It's been a while since I've last written. I've been trying to cram for AP tests and figure out my writing internship and life in general, and as one average teenager does, I take breaks to go on TikTok. As I scroll through my for you page, I get some quality content but the occasional post always bothers me. It's normally the random dancing video that pops up on my feed, and in the comments, people say "drop the workout routine" or "i didn't want to eat today anyways." This stuff bothers me because of the meaning that it implies.
The hypocrisy of people on TikTok honestly blows my mind. If a larger girl posts a video of her dancing, the comments are filled with "body-positivity" or "yes the confidence." That's not a compliment. That's someone trying to be politically correct. A compliment in that setting is "pretty" or "gorgeous" or something like that. But because in our society we have fat people compliments and skinny people compliments, the two aren't allowed to cross over in order to protect the status quo. The back handedness of getting a comment like that confuses me. If you're going to comment to make someone feel better, why would you say something like that? If a skinny girl posts a video, everyone tells her to "eat some food" or "you can breathe now." Why is this encouraged? Why is okay to do that? If a girl who has a medium sized body posts a video, she gets comments like "finally someone with my body type" or "you're so brave." Yes, it is really brave to post your body and things like that, but saying those comments instead of a simple "you're really pretty" or something like that can have an unintended meaning. Please tell me what body you have to have in order to be called beautiful in the comment section. I honestly can't figure it out. It seems to me like the only body that's allowed to be praised in the status quo is an hourglass, but if you show it off, you get comments saying to "cover up" or "stop looking for attention." This makes no sense to me because I can't figure out what the people in the comments section looking for. My main point that I wanted to make was that if you're going to comment about someone's body, just think about what you're saying. Praising someone's confidence is a lovely thing to do, but sometimes it can come off in the wrong way. Online validation isn't something that should be normalized in our society, but it has been, and we need to figure out the best way to deal with it. If you see someone who's making any kind of the comments that I mentioned above or anything similar, just call them out on it. Tumblr during 2014 continues to affect my generation to this day. There were a lot of people who essentially encourage eating disorders, and if I remember correctly, it started out with the same kind of comments. TikTok is promoting a culture in which everyone is waiting for someone to "drop their workout routine" or they're waiting for their "what I eat in a day" video. Promoting healthy lifestyles and things like that are totally fine, but not when they're pursued for the sole purpose of trying to feel validated by others. That's the culture that TikTok is creating - it's an environment where girls are constantly trying to fit into the ideal girl, but the goal shifts every couple days, making it seem like there's this perfect version of ourselves that's just outside our reach when in reality it doesn't exist. Nobody is perfect, and that's okay. You don't need to be perfect, but you do need to be you.
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Hi everyone. It's been maybe a week since my last post, and it feels like a different decade. I talked about what I was doing during quarantine and how I was feeling, and this post is kind of a continuation of that but from a different aspect.
For back story, I've never been a "go to the gym" person and much prefer doing workouts outside or in my house (also - no weird men who try to hit on you!). Also, I tend to not workout as much (time-restraints) but rather just eat healthy. But because of quarantine, now I actually have time! Having all this time on my hands has made me incredibly lazy and productive, stressed and calm, tired and awake, all at the same time. I haven't been working out as much, I had just ate a giant meal, life was stressful, and the only thing I could think of to fix that number was the following: go work out again. I'm not going to lie - occasionally, I work out multiple times a day if I eat more than usual because it makes me feel better, but today felt really wrong to work out again. I don't know how I managed to do it, but I convinced myself to not work out again because I knew I was doing it out of fear of numbers rather than feeling better. I made myself go take a shower, and it's probably one of the first times I've had that much willpower from this aspect. I still revert back to my old eating habits from middle school occasionally, but I'm overall just really proud of myself for having enough self restraint to know when I'm working out for numbers vs feeling. Hey friends, hope you’re all doing well seeing as though we’re in a global pandemic and economic depression. I thought I would take this time to use my blog to talk about how quarantining has affected my behavior and my view of the world at the moment.
First up, I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff going around on twitter and instagram of “social distancing routines,” and honestly, they are incredible - the fact that we’re in a global pandemic and people are still having the motivation to work out and eat healthy blows my mind. I’ve been eating healthy on and off because sometimes I’ll eat a smoothie or salad, proceeding to eat hot cheetos and chips 2 hours later, but it’s all good! This time is stressful and being told to stay in the house is such an odd feeling because it makes you want to go outside even more. I feel as though I’m living in a constant state of anxiety with everything right now because I want to go back to school and have normal life, but I also love getting to see my family and have time to play minecraft for like 5 hours. We’re going to start online school soon, and I already know I will be (hopefully) reverting back to a normal schedule and feeling better, but right now I’m incredibly tired, distracted, and just straight up unproductive. We’ve been on break for over a week, and I’ve accomplished nothing except for dramatic improvement in a minecraft realm I’m in (but that’s an impressive achievement). The quote “bad times lead to ingenuity” is truly applicable to our situation because so far I have seen my friends use instagram for various ways to hype eachother out, spread awareness, and give a general feeling of “we’re all in this together,” which our president said the other day, prompting the HSM cast to quote the video with them doing the dance from the movie. The whole “tag 10 girls who you think are beautiful” is honestly the most wholesome thing I’ve ever seen because it’s just a bunch of teenagers hyping each other up to create some normalcy in our lives. We’re all able to communicate using social media and technology, which was an option not available during the last pandemic, so I can’t even imagine how horrible that must have been. I’ve spent so much time on facetime and netflix, it’s not even funny. People have been using this time to do everything from workout to sleep (props to everyone because things are scary), but I think everyone should be utilizing this time for self care. Yes, the world is currently terrifying, but panicking never helps anything. If we can all stay calm and logical while still trying to live our lives (from our houses b/c social distancing), we will be okay! Eventually, things will return to normal no matter what, but it will take time. That being said, I truly have faith in our generation to be the most okay if that makes sense because although most adults all share the concept of work and paychecks, every adult's schedule is very different. Our generation bonds over memes, the same school days (soon to be at Zoom University), same tv shows, and overall the same culture, so we will naturally have a stronger bond to help us through everything. If we continue to stay connected and keep talking and encouraging each other, it will make a difference. Follow your dreams and do all the things you’ve always wanted to try, but please practice social distancing & wash your ends so this will end quicker & prevent the spread. Hang in there friends - we will be okay. 118. Those 3 characters blow my mind. How can 1 number throw me off completely? How can 1 number change how I look at myself that easily? I don’t struggle with the idea of “why am I not lighter?” but more how it freaks me out to know that my body is just a measurement? I don’t try to change how I eat or anything, but I can’t help but wonder if something is occurring subconsciously to restrain me from eating or doing certain things because I know that measurement. I know that my value isn’t based on my weight, but sometimes it’s hard to remember that.
“It’s not about getting to a number on a scale - it’s about creating a vision for how you want your life to look.” Weight will probably always freak me out because that’s how society has trained us, but I really want to get to a point in my life where a weight change doesn’t bother me at all. Social media is interesting. It’s used for so many different things, and we’re constantly on it. Scrolling through Instagram is just something you do when you’re bored. However, the things we’re scrolling through, aren’t just casual pictures. We look at these images of perfect people, perfect bodies, and perfect lives constatnly. We see lives that do not reflect our own all day, every day, and that has a dangerous effect whether we see it or not. To the people reading this, what do you require a picture you post to have? For me, I have to have certain criteria filled. 1. My hair has to be exactly how I want it. 2. I am (generally) wearing makeup. 3. My legs & body look skinny. 4. Multiple friends have to approve the picture. If the picture doesn’t fit these things, I don’t post it. This is such an unhealthy mindset, but the funny thing is, it’s not just mine. Almost all of my friends do the exact same thing. It’s so bizzare to me that if I were to post a picture where I don’t look perfect, nothing would happen. No lives would change, the world won’t end, nothing. However, I don’t. I have to look perfect in order to share a picture of me.
“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly” -Morticia Addams
I’ve always thought the concept of being “normal” was intriguing, but I think it’s one of my favorite things to talk about. Why is it “normal” to face the doors in an elevator, but if you turn around and face the other direction, it’s weird? Why is it “normal” to say that you think you’re ugly, but self-conceited to say you think you look good? Why is it “normal” to make a negative comment about someone’s body, but weird to make a positive comment or not say one at all? There is not a completely accurate definiton of “normal” because we all see and do things differently. The definition in the dictionary is actually “conforming to a standard.” We see “normal” generally as how it falls in line with our personal and societal standards which is why having a “normal” body is complete and utter bullshit. Every body is different, and it shouldn’t be seen as weird or incorrect to embrace our differences. There is no “normal” diet and exercise plan that everyone can follow to keep ourselves healthy, so there shouldn’t be a “normal” body type either. My body is my body, and it shouldn’t be classified under a certain category of how society views me. The concept of being “normal” has been turned into a derogatory word that essentially means “this is what you need to do in order to fit in.” The entire idea of trying to fit in is completely ridiculous because that means you are changing who you are in order to conform with someone else’s view of you, and that’s not okay. Changing who you are for any other reason than for yourself is terrible and destructive. Society has taken these toxic ideas of the status quo and normalcy, and turned them into dehumanizing methods that make each individual person constantly try to be more “normal.” You should never try to be anybody other than yourself. Around the end of July, my summer ended. This was when band camp started. As many of y'all know, Texas is very hot. This in turn means band kids, who go outside every single day for hours on end, have to wear less clothes like tank tops and shorts constantly. I hate wearing t-shirts to band because I don't want a farmers tan, so I wear tank tops the majority of the time. I wear something very loose and that doesn't really show my body. Whenever I wear something tight, it's the only thing I can think about, so I steer away from those options normally.
I've been better about wearing whatever I want to without feeling scared or ashamed of my body, but the reason why I hate wearing tight clothes specifically to band is honestly just sad. One of my friends told me a couple days ago that she caught a couple boys talking about me, and specifically how I have a big ass. I went and asked around after she told me, and that's apparently something many people have heard. I've caught a lot of people at band who stare quite often, and I think it makes me so uncomfortable because they're people I see everyday. It's different when a random guy stares or makes a comment than when people you go to class with are constantly objectifying you. Sadly, this isn't a problem that only affects me. I had 2 people make a comment in the same day about how they hate wearing tank tops because they don't want to show their arms. I don't know why they hate showing their arms. It could be from insecurity or from fear of being "looked" at just like how I feel sometimes. This is such a weird problem to address because I can't control what people think, but it makes me so uncomfortable to know that there are people who think and talk about my body, and that I'm virtually powerless to stop it. So in turn, the only way I can think to battle it is to wear clothes that don't show my body. That's not a solution that I want to use, but it's what I do the majority of the time. I challenge myself to wear tight clothing every once in a while to push myself out of my comfort zone, but I don't like doing it. I'm trying to become okay with it, but honestly it's hard, and it's a battle I'm probably going to be fighting for a long time. Earlier today, I was followed on my way home. I pulled up to a red light at Hebron & Josey, and I was sitting there for about a minute or so. I checked my phone, and glanced to my right, and there was an older white man probably in his 60s just hardcore staring at me. I quickly looked away, but I kept looking out of the corner of my eye. As this was happening, the man pulled forward a little bit, continuing to stare at me the whole time, and I was absolutely terrified. The light turned green, and I accelerated very quickly. As I was driving, I looked in my rearview mirror, and I saw the man change into my lane. I started making weird and strange turns to try to lose him, but he was able to follow me for about 5 minutes. I was more scared than I had been in a while, but oddly enough, it wasn't my first time being followed while I was driving, and more than likely, it won't be my last. In the past week, I've been stared and whistled at multiple times. Things like this happen almost everyday to me, but it's almost as if it's become normal.
Catcalling is an issue that men don't really understand, and it's not their fault. It's something you have to experience, and until you do, you can't emotionally process it. Catcalling isn't considered a "big deal" because it's not physical. Being verbally degraded by nameless, faceless men in everyday locations is damaging, even if it's not a punch in the face. One of the most terrifying things is to be catcalled and to not know what's going to happen next. Similarly, a couple of years ago, I was being followed through a whole mall by 2 older guys who kept asking for my number. They followed me from one end of the mall to almost the other side and even into the back of a store. My friend and I were basically cornered without knowing anything about what was going to happen. If we said something they didn't like, we didn't have any idea how they were going to react. Catcalling isn't something that just happens in big cities. It's something that happens walking at the park, at school, and basically anywhere. Women are sexually harassed everywhere, but it usually only gets attention whenever it's physical. 1 in 3 men don't think catcalling is harassment, and that needs to change. Everytime I've been catcalled, groped, or looked at in a disgusting way, I've felt terrible about myself. My perception about my own body shouldn't change based on a random man who decided to make me feel terrible about myself, and I'm sick of that happening no matter what I do. This past Saturday, I went to a concert. I was contemplating what I should wear for a really long time, and eventually, I decided I wanted to wear something very different than I had worn before. I went to Forever21, headed to the clearance section, and picked out a super cute crop top. This picture I inserted makes it look longer than it was, especially because I was wearing high waisted shorts. This was a first for me, and it was great. I was a bit scared because my bra was literally almost hanging out, but I think it was a great decision.
When I was trying this outfit on in the store, I felt very weird. It was a good kind of weird but it was still weird. I was shopping with one of my best friends, and we were picking up all of these cute crop tops, and it felt so normal. There wasn't even a question in my head that I couldn't wear it. I loved how it made me feel to have that kind of confident behavior because I wasn't scared about what people would think. I still get really uncomfortable when I think about other people's opinions of me, but the amount of times it occurs keeps decreasing, and I'm really proud of myself for that. I went to the concert, and I had an amazing time. I never once thought about how I looked. It was so weird to not have to constantly worry about what my stomach looked like, but I'm so happy I got over my fears and just did it. I went to Wendy's after the concert at midnight, and I ate so much junk food, and I still didn't care what I looked like! This was such a milestone for me, and I can't believe it actually happened, so I really wanted to share this crazy experience. |
author: jacquelyn burrer
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