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Geneen Roth is an incredibly powerful advocate for body positivity, and especially through helping others recover from eating disorders. When I was writing about my eating disorder a couple weeks ago, I came across many of her quotes and books. I loved how honest she was about everything, and it made me insanely happy to know that she struggled just as I did. Geneen mainly talks about how the way to transform our relationship with our bodies is to be open, curious, and kind with ourselves instead of being impatient and harsh.
I especially loved this particular quote which I have written below, and I wanted to put it on this post because it really struck a chord with me. I don’t struggle with an eating disorder anymore, but I still have moments where I skip meals which is something I need to work on. I know so many people that will make negative comments about their own bodies, including myself, and I hope this quote from one of Geneen Roth’s books will help change your attitude about how you treat your body and mind. “For some reason, we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we are harsh, we believe we will end up being kind. If we shame ourselves, we believe we end up loving ourselves. It has never been true, not for a moment, that shame leads to love. Only love leads to love. When you decide that you need to lose twenty pounds because you are disgusting at this weight or that you need to meditate every day or go to church on Sundays because you will go to hell if you don’t, you are making life decisions while you are being whipped with chains. The voice-induced decisions—those made from shame and force, guilt or deprivation, cannot be trusted. They do not last because they are based on fear of consequences instead of longing for truth. Instead, ask yourself what you love. Without fear of consequences, without force or shame or guilt. What motivates you to be kind, to take care of your body, your spirit, others, the earth? Trust the longing, trust the love that can be translated into action without the threat of punishment. Trust that you will not destroy what matters most. Give yourself that much." If you're wanting to read more, I'm going to link the rest of the chapter where I got this specific excerpt from. https://geneenroth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/WFG.Chapter4.pdf After I started this blog, so many people came up to me and asked, "Why are you doing this?" And honestly, I'm not exactly sure why I did. I was laying in bed one Sunday night, and I just started thinking, and then I logged onto Weebly. I didn't even think of the repercussions of sharing every detail about my body online, and today it hit me while I was in the grocery store. I know everyone gets random DMs on Instagram, but today I got one from a random older man, and it said:
"Hello beautiful." This isn't really what I would call a terrible DM, but it kind of threw me off because then I started thinking about the fact the link to my blog is in my bio. What if this random guy went & looked through it, seeing all the personal things I write about? It's like when I started this blog, I honestly forgot I was sharing it with the entire world. But the even weirder part is, it doesn't freak me out that much to know random people are reading this. It makes me happy. I can have a positive impact on someone's life, and I don't even have to know who they are. It truly blew my mind while I was standing in Kroger because I realized that anyone, and everyone, is watching me go through this journey of being okay with my body. I want this post to focus around an idea of courage, but specifically how to have to courage to do things that you've never done. I never would have dreamed I would start a blog which is basically a public group therapy session for myself. I was reading some quotes online, and I came across this quote which I think sums exactly what I'm trying to say. "The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud." I'm not trying to say everyone should go and start a blog or something, but what I am trying to say is, speak up. Don't keep your thoughts to yourself if you think you're alone because more than likely you're not. It's like at school if no one asks a question, then the teacher will say, "Go ahead and ask your question because someone else might have the same one." This entire idea applies to so many things, but it definitely works with what I'm talking about right now. Start a conversation with one of your friends, and just talk about anything that you want to discuss because I can guarantee they are struggling with the same things. Having courage doesn't necessarily mean just doing brave things like riding a roller coaster, but it takes courage to be who you really are. I do it -- we all do it. We put up walls so people will like us, right? Hiding only works for so long though.
When I get dressed in the morning, I'll go through about 20 different outfits. I'll put something on that I really like, but then I will convince myself that I shouldn't wear it because my thighs look too big or something along those lines. If you walk into my room in the mornings, it looks like a tornado went through there from all of the clothes that I've decided I'm not pretty enough to wear. I have literally picked out a super cute outfit, tried it on, took it off, tried on 10 other outfits, and then ended up wearing leggings and a t-shirt. I've always felt so self conscious with clothes because they draw attention to everything about yourself. Sometimes it's just easier to wear leggings because I can blend in, and I don't feel as insecure.
I wish I could feel like I can wear whatever I want (almost whatever I want because dress code), and I don't have to feel bad about it. I've started challenging myself to walk out the door in the first outfit I put on. It's really hard, but I've been doing it for about a week now, and it's been going okay. It makes life a little bit more enjoyable for me because I've just started ignoring the little voice in the back of my head that tells me my legs will be showing too much. Because honestly, screw that little voice. In my last post, I talked about my eating disorder. At the end of it, I said that if anyone ever needs to talk, they can talk to me. And holy crap, y'all did. I knew how many people this affected, but I don't think it really hit me until literally almost EVERYONE I knew was texting me about how they had an eating disorder. I wanted to share a couple anonymous quotes from what people said, and respond to them so if anyone else who doesn't want to say anything to me (which is 100% okay!!) can read this. "I've sometimes skipped meals just because of how I view myself and I can't imagine how difficult it is to go through these things to an even greater extent." - The mindset of skipping meals is so dangerous because it's unhealthy mentally and physically. You tell yourself all of these harmful things, and it's so damaging. The world today has adapted to the normalcy of people having eating disorders - and it shouldn't be normal. Being healthy should be normal. This generalized idea that we all should be working to be skinny is ridiculous. We should be working on embracing ourselves, instead of bringing ourselves back down. "I didn't know you struggled with this too, I'm happy that I have someone else to relate to but it's sad that we both thought that way." - I'm so happy that you can relate to my story, and I'm so proud of you for being able to overcome this challenge. You talked about comparing yourself to others, and I wanted to remind you again that you're beautiful just the way you are. Beauty comes from how you look at yourself and from confidence, and if you work on having a positive mindset about yourself, you will start to believe it. "It's just all I think about. I can't not feel guilty when eating." - If it's all you think about, try thinking about it in a positive way. Every time you eat, think to yourself "It's okay for me to eat and I'm beautiful." Try to take the negativity out of your head if you can. You can also try talking about it with your friends because they might struggle with the same issue. I would also suggest writing down what you're eating everyday, but also writing down how you feel when you're eating. It can help you track your progress, and give you motivation to talk about it with others. "I went through the same thing in middle school and still go through it now." Having people to relate to when it comes to eating disorders is so important. When you have an eating disorder, it makes you feel like a freak, but when in reality it's the COMPLETE opposite. Everyone has struggled with eating at one point, even if it was just skipping meals a couple times for a negative reason. When people go through the same thing that you do, it forms a bond, and creates a sense of trust with one another. It's so important to be able to talk about these things, and today's world doesn't acknowledge as much as it should which is what I'm hoping to help change. "I don't want to eat like this anymore." To the person who told me this, I'm so proud of you. This is such an essential step to make, and I hope I helped you as much as I could. Join my remindtext @8egeeh to 81010A friend of mine told me that she didn't know if she could ever believe that it's okay to eat, and that she's struggling with reminding herself that she's beautiful, so I wanted to make something to help with that. I'll send out a remind EVERYDAY to remind anyone who wants to sign up for it that is struggling with any kind of self confidence, body positivity, eating disorders, or just if you want a daily reminder of positivity.
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author: jacquelyn burrer
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